we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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