youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
