maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
