So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
