Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
