conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
