She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
