Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
