At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
