I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
