this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
