i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
