none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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