You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize