You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
