I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
