I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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