i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
apparently the secret to your success is patron
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
