We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
