i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
