Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
