you have to choose: penises or morals?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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