Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
