Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize