through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
