I think I died a long time ago.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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