I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
