another moral hangover. fuck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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