i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
