I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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