i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
