It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
