i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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