I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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