Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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