One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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