allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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