I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
