well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
