Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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