Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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