No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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