i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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