In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
