New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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