How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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