I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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