so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
