I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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