Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
