He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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