Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

(1-404): View more from Georgia

haha good one..how did you even know?

(404): View more from Georgia

we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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(404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://tfl.nu/dmh7

Replies (46) Good night (5193) Bad night (1452)
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(716): View more from New York

I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you

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(716): I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you http://tfl.nu/bf9k

Replies (27) Good night (931) Bad night (6452)
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(503): View more from Oregon

His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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(503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx

Replies (45) Good night (5472) Bad night (1632)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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(613): Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/rte8

Replies (1) Good night (2869) Bad night (1065)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

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(701): Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of..... http://tfl.nu/svr5

Replies (6) Good night (777) Bad night (2920)
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(406): View more from Montana

There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!

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(406): There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go! http://tfl.nu/765a

Replies (9) Good night (2683) Bad night (862)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

"bouncy castle"

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(919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde

Replies (6) Good night (4100) Bad night (942)
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(407): View more from Florida

I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.

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(407): I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down. http://tfl.nu/6857

Replies (5) Good night (2907) Bad night (982)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...

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(804): I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts... http://tfl.nu/vjl2

Replies (5) Good night (2185) Bad night (572)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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(520): I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/u2a7

Replies (5) Good night (1569) Bad night (832)
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(850): View more from Florida

Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."

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(850): Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay." http://tfl.nu/hng1

Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (846)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie

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(440): Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie http://tfl.nu/g1ng

Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (663)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.

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(989): Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/6s40

Replies (1) Good night (875) Bad night (313)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.

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(804): Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win. http://tfl.nu/vse3

Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (234)
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(714): View more from California

Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.

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(714): Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth. http://tfl.nu/x54l

Replies (3) Good night (710) Bad night (332)

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