I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery