turn off your phone and go to bed
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.