You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
