I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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