That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
