He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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