Pappa wants mamma naked
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
