dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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