Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Welp...herpes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
