Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
