We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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