Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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