He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dicks are not precious.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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