she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
