you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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