I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
