Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
