she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
