we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
