wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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