Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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