spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
