Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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