she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
