When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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