I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
