Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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